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Letter "W" » W. C. Fields Quotes
«The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.»
Author: W. C. Fields (Actor, Comic) | Keywords: eel, Eels, funniest, tub
«After two days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.»
Author: W. C. Fields (Actor, Comic) | Keywords: hospital, nurse
«I believe I will dip my pink-and-white body in yon Roman tub. I feel a bit gritty after the affairs of the day.»
«The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.»
«The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.»
«My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.»
«A plumber's idea of Cleopatra [Mae West].»
«Who has not experienced the unutterable despair that follows the crash of a treasured bottle.»
«A wonderful drink, wine. . . . Did you ever hear of an Italian grape crusher with athlete's foot?.»
«I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.»

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