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«UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.His understanding was so keen That all things which he'd felt, heard, seen, He could interpret without fail If he was in or out of jail. He wrote at Inspiration's call Deep disquisitions on them all, Then, pent at last in an asylum, Performed the service to compile 'em. So great a writer, all men swore, They never had not read before. --Jorrock Wormley»
«SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect. One of these egotists was addressed in the lines following, by Agamemnon Melancthon Peters:Dear Frank, that scrap-book where you boast You keep a record true Of every kind of peppered roast That's made of you;Wherein you paste the printed gibes That revel round your name, Thinking the laughter of the scribes Attests your fame;Where all the pictures you arrange That comic pencils trace -- Your funny figure and your strange Semitic face --Pray lend it me. Wit I have not, Nor art, but there I'll list The daily drubbings you'd have got Had God a fist.»
Author: Ambrose Bierce
(Editor, Journalist, Writer)
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