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Letter "J" » Jack Handy Quotes
«To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)»
Author: Jack Handy (Writer) | Keywords: carry, good idea, hey, sacked, sacks, Saturday, Saturday Night, Saturday Night Live, sorry, walk around
«If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say»
Author: Jack Handy (Writer) | Keywords: hates, knife, knifes
«Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and the interchangeable parts.»
Author: Jack Handy (Writer) | Keywords: Eli, eli whitney, favorite, interchangeable, interchangeable parts, tales, tall, Whitney
«Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.»
Author: Jack Handy (Writer) | Keywords: across, beak, beaks, carrying, drunk, flamingo, flamingoes, flying, front, in front, painting, rose, sunset, sunsets
«How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak»
Author: Jack Handy (Writer) | Keywords: beak, beaks, dives, diving, dove, feathers, how come, pillow, pillows, symbol, The Dove, The Pillow
«I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.»
Author: Jack Handy (Writer) | Keywords: hypnotize, Monkeys, sunglasses, wear, zoo, zoos
«If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.»
Author: Jack Handy (Writer) | Keywords: class, hardest, students, to that, yodel, yodeling
«I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.»
Author: Jack Handy (Writer) | Keywords: get it, joke
«If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus»
Author: Jack Handy (Writer) | About: Funny | Keywords: Better Late Than Never, blame, Claus, Clauses, discovers, Good Thing, kid, later, later on, Santa, Santa Claus, steal
«I bet when neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, 'Don't forget the thick, heavy brows.' Then they would get all embarrassed because they remembered they had the big husky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.»
Author: Jack Handy (Writer) | Keywords: bet, brows, embarrassed, end up, heavy, husky, Neanderthal, Neanderthals, remembered, snowman, Snowmen, the Big, thick
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