This story had a lot of good ideas but I couldn’t really follow what was going on. I thought that the narrative paragraphs made complete sense…. Then I would get to the dialogue and be scratching my head. I think the dialogue is where you lost me. Your character has a good strong voice… I can feel her emotions. Also your descriptions of people and the coffee shop were really good. I knew exactly
showed first 75 words of 265 total
showed last 75 words of 265 total
think it made me cross-eyed…. But that just could have been me. I really loved the girls character…. She was hilarious… I just got lost when she started talking. Maybe if you just shaped up the dialogue a bit it would be a masterpiece. I couldn’t figure out the general motive of the story… or really the plot. However, I could have just totally missed the entire point. The story was really funny though.